Why am I not good enough? 

So A is still on his bender! Last night he threatened me with not paying towards the rent and making me and my son homeless if I didn’t transfer money straight away. Apparently I’m a psycho bitch as well which is nice and he can do what he wants. 

It’s funny because when someone has an addiction and they are so involved in their addiction they see you as the bad person. A sees me as a bad person because I’m trying to help him. I’m trying to make it so he still has his son in his life. I don’t have an addiction so I don’t understand the power of it but if I thought I would lose my son and I would my shit out pretty sharpish. 

I spent some time last night wondering why I’m not good enough? Why doesn’t he want to change to make me and My son happy? Why is our love not strong enough to make him see how lucky he is? And then I realised it isn’t me! I am good enough! He is the one with the problem. He is the one with the beer goggles on. 

I don’t think A realises that if he continues like this he will be on his own for a very long time. Either that or he will find someone who is weak and vulnerable that he can spin a load of bullshit to. 

What hurts me the most though is that it feels like he doesn’t care about my son at all. That having that drink or potentially that line gives him more satisfaction than seeing my son laugh or getting a cuddle off him. 

Then again, I guess that’s addiction for you? 

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