I haven’t blogged in a while because things have been very confusing and I haven’t really known what to say. A, I thought, had he rock bottom. He worked away for a week and spent the whole time basically high and drunk and didn’t really do his job. Although A’s morals are not great his work ethic is one to be jealous of so for him to be messing his job up means he really is in the grip of addictions. Not only that when he came back I found out he had got with another girl whilst he was there. He also found out when he got home that me and my son are moving.
Funnily enough he then decided he wanted to change, he had the power to do it and he didn’t need anyone else and went into super nice mode. Doing everything around the house, making me lunch and dinner, sending me lovely text messages. Even agreeing to renting a room near by me and my son so he could spend more time with him. Then Friday came and it was sunny and here I am the next morning where he isn’t home and I’ve been threatened with him never supporting us financially ever again.
A cannot lie to save his life, told me he was one place but I knew he was another and when he is caught out, rather than admitting he makes even more lies.
I transferred money out of his account but not for myself, to pay our bills. I know when he starts to go on benders he spends money like water flowing through a Sieve. I transferred it so that we could actually pay our rent but he can’t see that.
Last night was a massive realisation for me that actually A doesn’t care about me at all or have any respect for me so why should I care back. Why should I cry and be stressed? I need to learn to let it go and not affect me anymore but it’s so hard to find out that you have been living with an imposter. An actor has been living in my home and is the father to my child! I know, as a mother, I have to walk away completely this time. I move at the end of the month into a nice little place for me and my son and it’s our fresh start! Because of that fresh start I am going to have more of a positive attitude. So everyday I will list things I am grateful for and put positivity out into the universe whilst A can drink himself into the gutter.
Things I am grateful for:
My son, my family, my job, my animals, the roof over my head and the food on my table.